5 Toxic Communication Habits You Need To Stop Doing

In this article we will aim the spotlight at 5 toxic communication habits you need to stop doing if you want to be taken seriously. These habits can cause irreversible damage to relationships, your reputation, and potentially cost you career opportunities.

As you are reading this article, take a moment to reflect on each habit and ask yourself if you are guilty of doing it within the past three months. If the answer is yes, jot down the tips we listed under each heading and keep them in mind next time you find yourself in a situation where you may be tempted.

Toxic Communication Habit #1: Hogging The Spotlight 

Being in the spotlight is fine from time to time, especially when celebrating successes, but hogging the spotlight can have adverse negative effects on your life including your relationships and reputation.

People who hog the spotlight feel a constant need to be validated and will do whatever it takes to shift attention to themselves. They will interrupt, share their opinions, provide (unwanted) feedback, and frequently try to manipulate conversations to be about them.

This sense of conversational entitlement is often caused by anxiety, insecurities, poor social skills, or an inflated ego. Regardless of where it comes from, it can be obvious when it happens.

Spotlight hoggers show little interest in others. Instead of making an effort to get to know someone, they will boast about their own achievements. They do this hoping to make themselves look, and sound, more appealing in the eyes of others.

If you fear you may exhibit this behaviour, here are some helpful tips to keep in mind:

• Show interest in others around you.

• Ask open-ended questions to keep other people talking.

• Listen to understand, not to reply.

• Pause before responding. Take a deep breath before saying anything.

• Observe how much you have been talking. If you feel like it has been too long, let someone else talk for a while.

• Remind yourself that not every statement needs your feedback. Sometimes it's best to keep your opinions to yourself.

Toxic Communication Habit #2: Interrupting Other People 

Interrupting people while they are speaking is rude. Although there are times when interrupting someone is appropriate (which we will explain in a few paragraphs), most interruptions will lead to glares and frustration from both the person speaking and whoever may be listening to them. Habitual interrupters are viewed as people who lack self-control, like to dominate conversations, and want to always be right.

If you have a tendency to interrupt and want to stop the habit, try these tips:

• Pause for 2 seconds before responding. This ensures the speaker is actually done talking and is not just taking a breath.

• Take a deep breath before you start talking. Not only does this stop you from potentially interrupting, but it also helps you relax and relieve anxiety.

• If you have something to add to the conversation but do not want to interrupt, use non-verbal cues like raising your hand or a finger to signal to others that you have something to say. In smaller environments, you can twist your index and middle finger together as a cue to yourself that you want to say something.

If you have something to say but the subject has changed, the opportunity passed, or the conversation ended, write down what you wanted to say and bring it up at another time. Alternatively, you could add it to a text or email if you are conversing with that person (or people) in the near future.

Some examples of when it is appropriate to interrupt someone include:

• If there is an emergency.
• The speaker is being belligerent or rude.
• Someone is dominating a conversation.
• The conversation has shifted drastically from the original topic.

Proper etiquette dictates that if you interrupt someone, that you must stop as soon as you realize you are interrupting, apologize to the speaker, then politely ask for them to continue talking. After this, you should pay extra close attention to when you speak as people, especially the person you interrupted, will be on heightened alert and may not be as polite the second time they are interrupted.

Toxic Communication Habit #3: Rambling

Rambling, a tendency to over-explain or talk for long periods of time without any breaks, can derail a conversation. Rambling is typically disjointed, aimless, and can make anyone listening feel like a hostage.

People who ramble often repeat themselves, go off on long tangents, or quickly jump from one topic to another. It can be very hard to keep up with a rambler, especially in professional settings like lectures or meetings.

If you notice yourself beginning to ramble, remind yourself to:

• Listen more and talk less.
• Limit yourself to two or three points only.
• Speak at a slightly slower speed. This gives you control over your words.
• State your point first. Avoid unnecessary details.
• Pause at the end of your sentences.

Trying to converse with a rambler can be difficult. Do your best to stay engaged and attentive. If you want to bring the conversation to a close, ask close-ended questions (questions that have short answers, like 'yes' or 'no'). This may not end the conversation right away, but it will cause it to lose some momentum.

Understanding why someone rambles can help you navigate conversations with them more easily. Here are some common reasons why someone may ramble:

• Anxiety
• Excitement about the topic of conversation
• Fear of silence
• Insecurities
• Neurodevelopmental conditions like ADHD
• Not being prepared
• Thinking out loud

If you are engaged in conversation with a rambler, remember to be patient. They may be feeling insecure or uneasy talking in a new environment or to someone they have never met before. They may be excited to discuss their passions with you. Regardless of the circumstance, give them the benefit of the doubt.

If you need to go, you may have to interrupt them. Try to do it when they take a breath or when they finish a sentence. Tell them it was great chatting with them but you do have to leave.

Toxic Communication Habit #4: Not Being A Good Listener

Some people find it difficult to listen to others. They may be engaged in another activity or feel as though what is being said is not important. They may mentally tune out or straight-up ignore whoever is speaking.

This bad habit can have serious consequences if you require important, necessary information like sending a time-sensitive email or meeting with a high-profile client at a specific location.

During a conversation, it can be easy to prepare a response while the other person is still talking. You may begin to piece together what you want to say before the other person finishes their sentence. You might not even realize that they asked you a question. While you may think you are preparing yourself, you may be missing out on vital information.

The difference between being a good listener and passively listening to someone is the ability to remember important, relevant information like names, dates, locations, and details you may need to recall at a later time or in a future conversation (like birthdays, appointments, reservations, and so on).

If you want to be a good listener, you need to give undivided attention. This means removing immediate distractions (like your phone), turning towards the person you are conversing with, and making moderate eye contact while they are speaking.

Nodding periodically can also show the other person that you are listening to them.

Avoid jumping to conclusions or using biases to disregard what someone is saying to you, even if you do not agree. Be polite and hear them out completely. Instead of dismissing them, ask them follow-up questions to learn more about their point of view.

If you really want to show someone your listening skills, paraphrase what they just said in your own words and repeat it back to them. Reflecting their thoughts and ideas back to them helps confirm understanding and demonstrate to them that you were indeed listening.

If you have trouble remembering names, our article 16 Easy Ways To Help You Remember Names can help you.

Toxic Communication Habit #5: One-Upping Others 

One-upping is when someone shares an achievement or experience and someone else barges in to share their own similar event but with more grandeur, drama, or excitement, essentially downplaying the original person's story.

As an example, suppose someone is talking about their trip to the Bahamas. Another person with a tendency to one-up may respond to them with "I go there every six months. Last time I went I was upgraded to VIP status for free."

Alternatively, one-upping can also come in the form of being in a worse position. If someone complains about how sore they are after running a 10km race the day before, a one-upper may blurt out "I ran a marathon yesterday, and I'm training for another big race I have next weekend."

People with a tendency to one-up others like to turn conversations into competitions. They may be seeking validation, trying to hide insecurities, undermine someone they don't like, or use it as a way to inflate their ego to make themselves feel superior.

One-upping is impolite behaviour, especially on dates, in relationships, and at work. No one wants to feel inadequate or have to fear that everything they say will be judged and used against them.

If you find yourself in a conversation with someone who likes to one-up you, try these tips:

• Do not take it personally.
• Do not react to what they say (especially with anger or frustration).
• Reply with a brief "that's nice" or "thank you for sharing".
• Lastly, do not engage with them at all. Especially if they are trying to force themselves in to a conversation you are having with someone else.

Sometimes you cannot escape a one-upper, like a co-worker or family member. If you find yourself in a situation such as this, do your best to be polite and tolerate them. Remind yourself that you will only be around them for a short amount of time. Try to find another group of people to converse with if possible.

If you fear you may one-up people while trying to relate or connect with them, try these:

• Try to stay on the same success level as them. Avoid adding more unless absolutely necessary.
• Congratulate them on their success. Show interest in their passions.
• Ask open-ended questions.

Summary

Knowing how to build good communication habits starts with understanding bad ones and how they affect you and those around you. Remember the tips we outlined in each habit and be sure to remember them next time you feel the urge to hog the spotlight, interrupt, ramble, not listen, or one-up someone. You will notice a huge shift in positive attitude.

Positive role model tip: If you witness a friend practicing one of these bad habits, you can speak to them in private and inform them of their actions. Be polite and supportive. Be a good example and show them how it's done.

Hungry for more personal development advice and tips? Take a bite out of these:

• 14 Ways To Develop Strong Character

• Become A Supercommunicator: Three Types Of Conversations You Need To Know

• Boost Your Mentoring Abilities With These 4 Proven Steps

• How To Give Advice Without Being Pushy

• Speak With Impact: 7 Tips On How To Captivate Any Audience

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