How Soon Should You Follow Up After A First Date? And How To Say No To A Second

First dates can be nerve-wracking enough, but so can the following days spent wondering how your date felt about the encounter. Maybe you feel some chemistry with them, but you don't want to ruin the opportunity or come across too frantic or clingy. This begs the question: how soon should you follow up after the first date?

The recommended amount of time that should pass before messaging your date (assuming your date doesn't message you first) varies depending on the source of your dating advice. Some people say 48 hours, others say 72, while some say to leave it completely in the other person's hands, and if they don't text back (also known as 'ghosting') then they aren't truly interested.

There's a fine balance between keeping the momentum from the date going and having the other person either lose interest in you or worry that you may have lost interest in them. You don't want to come across desperate, but you also don't want the other person wondering if they did something wrong.

Ask During The First Date 

If you and your date both agreed to a second date before the first one even ended, then there's no need to wait. Start planning that second date and get to know them even more.

Some people naturally click right away. There could be numerous reasons why two people might decide upon first meeting that they'd like to date again. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't happen to you, especially if you are new to the dating scene.

If you are looking for more date ideas that won't break the bank, check out our article 15 Cheap Date Ideas for some inspiration. There's something for everyone.

Follow Up Few Hours After The First Date 

If the first date went well and you both enjoyed your time together but haven't planned a second date, you can message your date within a few hours and ask if they'd be interested in planning a second date, or at least meeting up again, even for something casual like a coffee.

Some may argue that this can come across as desperate, but if both parties really enjoy each other's company, there's no need to worry. Sometimes a second date can be more like the second part of a first date, where the fun and momentum keep going.

If you plan on messaging your date within a few hours of your first date, be mindful of the time. Messaging them in the wee hours of the morning may make them wonder if you're thinking with the wrong head, if you know what we mean. Be respectful of other people's sleep and stick to messaging them during daylight hours.

Follow Up Within 24 Hours Since The First Date 

Waiting 24 hours gives you and your date time to reflect on your first encounter, ask friends for advice, and really consider the possibility of a second date. You may be asking yourself if you're ready for a commitment, whether the other person is right for you, or if you are ready for a second date at all.

Most people in the dating scene consider a 24-hour window to be the safest time frame to ask for another date. You won't come across as desperate or needy and it gives the other person some time to think about it as well.

Follow Up Within 48 Hours Since The First Date 

Some people want to ask their friends for advice, mull over the first date in detail, and compile the perfect message to ask for a second date. If you deal with anxiety or want to construct the right message, contacting the person within 48 hours may be best for you.

If you do reply around 48 hours later, you don't need an excuse for not replying sooner. Depending on the person, they may wonder if you went on another date that didn't work out and are coming back to them to see if they're still available.

If You Don't Want A Second Date, Here's What To Do:

If the first date didn't go well and felt worse than a root canal without numbing, then there's no need to begrudgingly agree to a second meetup just to make the person happy. If they ask, be honest and tell them that you don't think it'll work out or it's not what you're looking for.

If the other person reaches out to you, simply say that you aren't interested in a second date. Be polite. Don't ghost them or block them. You never know when you may cross paths with them again.

Be Crystal Clear You Do Not Want A Second Date

No one likes beating around the bush. If you enjoyed spending time with your date, let them know. If you tried a new type of food and liked it, let them know. If you want to really stand out, bring up something they said about an interest they have or an idea they shared or make them laugh. This shows them that you were listening attentively. It'll go a long way.

If you aren't sure whether you want a second date, take some time to think, but not too long. You should have an idea within a day or two.

Whatever your decision is, be transparent. If you don't want to go on a second date with that person, tell them politely that you don't feel chemistry with them.

If you enjoyed the date but don't want to take the relationship to the next level, let the other person know that either:

a). you aren't ready for a committed relationship.

b). you'd rather take it slow for now.

c). you're not ready for a second date right away, but let's keep chatting and see where it goes.

What If They Say No To A Second Date? 

No matter how hard you try, the other person may not be interested in you. Unfortunately, that's the harsh reality of dating. If this happens, keep your cool. Don't fly off the handle and try to berate or degrade them and NEVER say you'll find someone better.

Instead, be polite. Tell them you enjoyed the first date and you wish them the best. Walk away and keep your head up. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't meant to be and someone else is out there for you.

What If They Don't Reply Or Aren't Replying Often? 

If you initiated a follow-up and the other person isn't replying at all, that's a clear signal they aren't interested. Don't keep messaging them trying to get their attention. Just ignore them and move on.

What If They Contact You First? 

In the world of dating, it isn't uncommon to get a message from the other person asking for a second date. When this happens, trust your heart. Be polite and respectful, even if you decide you aren't interested in a second date.

Don't Overthink Your Message

Tell them how you felt and be authentic. Proclaiming your undying love and waxing poetic about how the earth stood still when you were with them probably isn't the best course of action. It will likely creep them out. Instead, keep it light and casual. Here are some examples of what you could say:

"Hey, I really enjoyed our date at [location] last night. I haven't laughed like that in a long time. We should do it again some time. What do you say?"

"I had a blast yesterday. How about we continue our conversation about [common interest] again. How's Friday?"

"I was wondering if you could tell me more about [one of their interests]. How's Saturday afternoon?"

If you aren't quite at this step and are still planning on sending an initial message, check out our guide on How To Write A Captivating First Message For Online Dating. Also, check out the 14 Things You Should NOT Say.

Should You Call Or Text Your Date?

There are pros and cons to both calling and texting your date, however we recommend calling at least once or twice a week. This adds a personal touch and can help convey your emotions better than text can.

If you feel uncomfortable, jittery, or think you may say the wrong thing, stick with texting. You can always re-read your message and edit it so it sounds just right before you send it. Be sure to read your texts out loud to yourself before sending to ensure it makes sense and it's easy to read.

Summary

After a successful first date, knowing what to say, and when to say it, to increase your chances of a second date can be almost as stressful as the first date itself. We recommend that you take it slow and trust your heart.

If you and your date felt an immediate spark, great! If not, take it a bit slower and see what will come of it. Anything can happen in the theatre of romance. Even Sinatra says: "nice and easy does it", and he was Americas heartthrob.

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