11 Rude Things You May Be Doing Without Realizing

Being fully aware of our actions throughout the day can be difficult. At times, without even realizing it, we may speak or act in a way that someone else may consider rude or disrespectful.

In this article, we examine 11 rude things you may be doing without realizing and explain how to resolve them in a polite and respectful way. Being aware of these actions will help alleviate potential friction amongst your peers, co-workers, family, and the people around you in public places.

Being On Speakerphone In Public

Cell phones have become so central to our daily lives that it's almost impossible to go a day without using one. Within seconds, we can catch up on current events, check our emails, and connect with friends from all over the world. While this is a great luxury to have, there are times when we need to be considerate of others.

You should always be mindful of your phone's volume in public settings. Whether you're having a conversation with someone, watching a video, or playing a game, the noise coming from your phone's speaker will be disruptive to those around you.

In situations like this, it's best to either put your phone on silent or to carry a set of earbuds with you so you can still be immersed in whatever you're doing without being rude. Many modern earbuds have built-in microphones, giving you the ability to send and receive phone calls.

Speakerphone Tip: If you transfer a phone call to speakerphone with other people around you, let the person on the other line know they're on speakerphone. This way, they will know not to mention any sensitive or personal details.

If you want to learn more about phone and texting etiquette, we have two informative guides:

• 18 Important Cell Phone Rules For The Modern Gentleman
• 15 Simple And Easy Rules Of Texting Etiquette

Pulling Your Phone Out Mid Conversation

"Phubbing" – the act of looking at your phone and snubbing the person or people you're with, can put a strain on relationships, especially in situations such as a dinner date where you should be giving company your full, undivided attention.

When you pull your phone out, you're saying to your company that they're boring you and that you'd rather be doing something else. The presence of a phone on a table, even if the phone is face down, can make your conversation partners feel like they're not a priority.

The best way to avoid phubbing is to keep your phone on vibrate or silent, out of sight, and to resist the urge to look at it while with company. If you really need to look at your phone, you can take a quick glance during a lull in the conversation.

If you must take a phone call or send an email or text, excuse yourself from the table and go outside or to the washroom.

In certain situations, you will need to look at your phone: for instance, if you decide to look up directions or to answer a question, like the age of a celebrity, that your company is discussing. If you find yourself in these situations, don't quick-draw your phone and start looking up the answer right away. Instead, wait to see if someone else does. If no one does, you can ask the group if they'd like you to look it up.

Leaving Your Cart In The Middle Of The Aisle

Many people don't find grocery shopping to be an enjoyable, relaxing experience. Even with the rise of online grocery shopping in recent years, the aisles in stores can sometimes remind us of rush-hour gridlock. This problem usually arises from someone leaving their cart in the middle of the aisle, blocking the flow of cart traffic, while they wander off to find something.

Not only is this extremely frustrating for other shoppers who want to get by, but it could also lead to a store employee taking the cart under the assumption that it has been abandoned.

Other patrons could also move the cart without the shopper's knowledge and either add or remove items if they were feeling extra naughty. (We don't recommend doing this, although it's funny to imagine the look on a shopper's face when they get to the checkout with an undesirable item. We'll let you imagine what it could be.)

If you find yourself needing to return to a previous aisle to get an item, bring your cart with you or move it to the end of an aisle along the endcap where it won't be blocking the flow of cart traffic. Just be aware that leaving your cart for any length of time runs the risk of it disappearing or items being added or removed.

Not Letting People Get Off Elevators, Public Transit, etc. Before You Get On 

The use of public spaces, like elevators, and public transit comes with a few unwritten rules, one of the main expectations being to allow other patrons to exit before you get on. Crowding the doors and trying to push your way against the flow, like a salmon swimming upstream, only makes it more difficult for other patrons to exit, meaning it takes longer for the elevator, bus, or train to start moving again.

Instead, move off to the side, away from the doors, and allow a large area for people to disperse once they leave the elevator, bus, or train. Once they have all moved out of the way, you can begin boarding. If you are the first to board, move away from the doors so others can get on after you.

If you are getting off in a stop or two, try to position yourself closer to the doors so you aren't fighting against other people when trying to get off at your stop. Saying 'please' and 'thank you' will go a long way in situations where you find yourself having to get by numerous people.

Hogging The Sidewalk

If you've ever walked on a sidewalk, you've likely encountered a sidewalk hog. These people, or groups of people, block the entire sidewalk so no one can pass. Whether they do this intentionally or not relies in their willingness to move out of the way. Regardless, you're left with a conundrum.

You could walk wide of them, stepping off the sidewalk, but you face hazards like traffic if you step onto the road. Stepping away from the road could result in cuts and bruises if there are bushes, fences, or walls against the sidewalk that you would have to brush up against. There's also a risk of stepping in mud or water if it just rained. None of these situations are ideal, so what do you do?

If you are walking towards a sidewalk hog (or hogs), make eye contact with them. If they make eye contact with you, that means that they are aware of your presence. If they decide not to move, say "excuse me".

If they still don't move, you can either step off the sidewalk if it is safe to do so or walk through them as a last resort, trying your best not to knock them over. If you walk through them, be prepared as they may try to argue with you.

If you are approaching from behind, say something like "on your left" or "excuse me". They should look back, see you, then move out of the way. If they don't and completely ignore you, wait until you are a few feet behind them then say it again. If they still ignore you, you can walk around them if it's safe to do so or through them.

For tips on sidewalk etiquette, read our article Are You A Sidewalk Menace? Top 10 Etiquette Rules You Need To Know.

Not Saying "Please" And/Or "Thank You" To Others 

Saying "please" and "thank you" to someone who went out of their way to help you is a form of verbal appreciation that resonates deeply. It doesn't matter how big or small the favour is, you should take a few seconds to acknowledge them and let them know you are thankful.

If you want to go one step further, tell them why you are thanking them. This way, they know that it isn't just an empty thank you and that you actually appreciate what they did for you. You don't need to go into a lot of detail, but you could also add how it will benefit you or how it makes you feel.

Regular use of "please" and "thank you" will help you develop stronger relationships and come across as more trustworthy. Overusing these words could give the impression that you are trying too hard to be likeable, so only say please and thank you when the situation calls for it.

Always Shifting The Conversation To Be About You 

Part of having a good conversation is sharing experiences. Sharing experiences encourages us to become more aware and mindful of ourselves and others and allow us to see things from a new perspective. We can learn a lot when we open our ears to others and hear what they have to say. These conversations tend to go back and forth, like a tennis match.

A bad conversation can happen when someone constantly turns the other person's stories into stories about themselves. They may be attempting to be relatable, to prove their life isn't boring, or just to stroke their ego. 

Often this can become a game of one-upping the other person. "Oh, you had a bad day? Well, let me tell you about my day that was much worse." These conversations are like someone grabbing the tennis ball and yammering about how if they brought their own tennis ball the game would be much more enjoyable.

People who always shift the conversation to themselves are known as conversational narcissists. Whether they do it intentionally or not, the other person usually becomes disinterested and tries to get out of the conversation or reply with "hmm", nods, or changes to their body language to disconnect from the conversation.

If you find yourself dealing with a conversational narcissist, you can politely tell them they're not giving you a chance to speak, the conversation is one-sided, or that they're interrupting you. Most people will understand and be more aware, giving you your turn to speak.

If you fear you may be a conversational narcissist, you can say something like "I feel like I've been talking about myself for too long" and shift the conversation, ask the other person if they feel like you've been yammering on, and pay attention to the other person's body language. If you notice them becoming disinterested, switch the conversation to them. Our article titled 3 Simple Steps To Effective Small Talk can also help you keep a good conversation going.

Asking Questions That Are Too Personal 

Asking questions increases likability. Depending on how well you want to get to know a person (or already know them), you might stick to simple questions like asking where they grew up, what their interests are, and other generic water cooler questions like "what did you get up to over the weekend?" or "are you a fan of [name of band/ sports team / food / etc.]?" These are generally friendly questions that most people will have no trouble answering.

If you begin asking more personal and intrusive questions, especially to someone you barely know, you will be met with resistance. Asking them if they're pregnant, why they're single, why they look tired/sick, or what their financial situation is will most likely end with them becoming defensive or walking away. You may be met with a stern "none of your business!" or a slap to the face.

In the event of a tragedy such as the death of a family member, you can send your condolences. Just be sure to avoid prying deeper; don't inquire as to how the person passed and definitely don't ask for gruesome details. Instead, offer support and keep the conversation positive. Asking whether the person would like help with anything, or is willing to share memories of their loved one, could provide them with some support and closure.

Freely Giving Unsolicited Advice Or Opinions

You may feel empowered knowing you helped someone through a tough situation by giving advice or sharing your own experiences. But unless they explicitly asked for it, it's best to just be a good listener. Unsolicited advice and opinions can do more harm than good. For many, it can come across as undermining, manipulative, intrusive, or offensive.

Even if you have the best of intentions, an offer of advice may be met with strong resistance. Some people may feel like you are crossing a personal boundary by trying to help, since you may not know the exact situation or the emotions at hand. This, in turn, will lead them to dig in their heels and refuse to follow your advice.

This can harm your relationship and they may feel like you are questioning their ability to resolve their own problems. Sometimes people just want to be heard and don't want a solution. Instead of trying to fix their problems, ask them engaging questions like "then what happened?" or "how does that make you feel?" which lets them express themselves and gives you a better understanding of what they're going through.

If you are someone who tends to give unsolicited advice or opinions, you can curb the urge by politely asking "Would you like me to listen or offer some advice?" This way you let the other person know that they are free to express their feelings without any feedback but you are actively listening and can offer help if they ask.

If they are working through an issue, show your support by expressing confidence in them. Reassure them that you trust in their decision and that you're there for them if they need help.

Pointing Out Someone's Mistake In Public 

Sometimes we cannot resist the urge to correct someone else's mistake. Maybe your friend's fly is down, someone got details wrong in a story they were telling, or your dinner guest mispronounced the French wine they ordered. They may not even be aware of their mistake, but in these cases it's best to either bite your tongue or wait until you are in a private setting to tell them.

Pointing out someone's mistake in public is a sure-fire way to embarrass them. Instead, wait for the opportunity to speak to them one-on-one in a gentle tone. Never accuse or condescend and try to give them the benefit of the doubt. They may not remember specific things as well as you or have the same amount of knowledge as you do about certain topics.

When someone calls you by the wrong name—an issue with an easy fix—gently correct them. If this becomes a recurring issue with the same person, speak to them individually and explain how it makes you feel when they call you by the wrong name.

You could offer tips on how they can remember your name (We have some examples in our article 16 Easy Ways To Help You Remember Names) or ask them to call you by a nickname if it's easier for them to remember.

Sometimes it's best to just avoid correcting someone altogether. If you have a co-worker or boss that loves to argue or thinks they're always right, it's best to be the bigger, more mature person, and walk away.

Belittling Others 

Belittling comes in many different forms including being condescending, blaming other people for your own mistakes, ignoring others, manipulating, deliberately offending, being overly critical of people's choices and/or actions, trivializing, and questioning someone's intelligence. 

People who knock others down to make themselves feel superior tend to be arrogant and insecure with low self-esteem. In any case, these actions can quickly destroy relationships and lead people to have a negative view of you. They can also have rippling effects in your work or home life.

Sometimes we can come across as belittling even if that isn't our intention. If you are trying to share an interest with someone and they don't understand the appeal, your immediate reply might be "Well maybe you don't understand, it's for smarter people." Even if the intention wasn't to belittle, your comment could imply that the other person is less intelligent for not appreciating your interest in the same way you do.

Emotions can sometimes get the best of us, and we may say things we later regret. It's best to be conscious of your words and to step back and think about your response instead of firing from the hip as the old adage "shoot first, ask questions later" implies.

This is often easier said than done as we can be under a lot of stress or feel offended if someone disagrees with us.

If you find yourself on the receiving end of belittling behaviour, don't feel like you have to stand there and take it. Speak your mind and let the other person know you don't appreciate the way they're speaking to you. Do your best to remain calm and speak in a slow, controlled voice to avoid leading to an argument.

Some people may not realize they're belittling and will be more aware of what they say; others, however, won't be. If they continue to belittle you, you can either avoid engaging or escalate the situation to a superior if it happens in a work environment. If you need more ways to deal with people like this, our article A Simple Guide To Dealing With A*Holes, Bullies, Jerks, And Sleazeballs has you covered.

Summary 

Sometimes we can be rude without even realizing. When we are mindful of our emotions and actions, and how they can affect those around us, we create safe spaces where other people feel at ease. This greatly reduces the chances of starting an argument, being called out for our behaviour, and damaging our relationships with others.

Did you enjoy this article? Learn something new? Share it with a friend and follow Esteemed Gentleman on social media to stay up to date with new articles and posts!

Links:

Facebook

Instagram

Don't forget to sign up below to stay up to date on new articles and reviews we publish!