Mastering Door Etiquette: When And How To Hold A Door

Although most people are capable of opening doors themselves, it is greatly appreciated when someone else does it for them. This act of chivalry is a very simple action that shows your consideration and kindness towards others.

In this article we will discuss who you should open doors for, when it is and is not acceptable to hold doors open, how to properly open a door and what to do when someone holds a door open for you.

Who Should You Hold A Door Open For? 

Traditionally, men held doors open for women and children. In modern society it is acceptable to hold doors open for everyone, no matter their gender or age. Even if someone is physically able to open the door themselves.

If someone tries to give you grief about holding a door open for them, you can politely tell them that you do it for everyone. Some people believe that they are seen as inferior if someone has to hold a door open for them. We aren't sure why they feel this way, but if they try to get confrontational, follow the tips in our A*hole Survival Guide to avoid any escalation.

When Should You Hold A Door Open For Someone? 

For the sake of this article, we will only be discussing hinged doors; doors that swing either in or out. These doors are what we most commonly think of when we say "holding a door open for someone."

Automatic sliding doors, like those found at storefronts, offices, and hotels, open on their own using a sensor that detects movement. Manual sliding doors, like those found in homes or some small businesses, will stay open until someone closes them. Think patio doors or room dividers.

We are not including holding elevator doors open in this article as this is a bit of a grey area. It can be considered polite in some circumstances but rude in others. We discuss this, and more elevator etiquette guidelines, in our article Elevator Etiquette Explained.

There are many different scenarios when you should hold a door open for someone. Some may be obvious (like when you are walking with other people or in a group) but others may not be. Here is a simple list of scenarios when it is acceptable to hold a door open for someone:

• You reach a door at the same time (or just before) someone else does.

• If someone approaches the door from the other side but you arrive first.

• They are close enough behind you they do not need to change their walking speed to catch you before the door closes.

• If someone has their hands full or walking with a stroller or with young children.

• Someone with mobility issues or look like they may have difficulties opening a door themselves.

• The elderly.

Etiquette Tip: When walking through a door, we recommend taking a quick glance behind you. If you see someone within a few steps, take a second and hold the door open for them. They will appreciate it.

When Is It Acceptable To NOT Hold The Door Open For Someone? 

Although this article is focused on opening doors for other people, there are times when you should not. Here are three scenarios when you should not hold a door open for someone:

If They Are Already Holding A Door Open For You

If someone holds a door open for you accept the gesture, walk through the door and thank them. There is no need to take their position and force them to walk through the same door you are now holding open. This can be awkward, especially for the other person.

If you are too far away or have to walk faster to reach the door, let the person holding the door know they do not have to wait for you. If they insist, do not apologize for making them wait when you reach them. Simply thank them and keep moving.

If They Are Too Far Away From The Door

If someone is too far away from the door there is no reason to hold it for them. That is, unless, they look like they may have difficulties opening the door themselves (e.g: their hands are full, elderly, in a wheelchair, etc.). Use your best judgement. If they are more than a few steps away, you do not have to hold it open for them.

Entering Or Exiting Private Property

Many private properties, like apartment buildings and condominiums, instruct tenants not let people into the building if they do not know them. This is a major safety concern, especially if the person trying to get in has a weapon or intentions to harm others or damage/steal property.

If you encounter someone you do not recognize trying to gain access to a building at the same time as you, close the door behind you immediately. If they claim to know a tenant in the building, instruct them to contact that tenant for access. If all else fails, call security or emergency services.

How To Properly Hold A Door Open 

Believe it or not, there are techniques to properly opening a door for someone. Opening a door properly depends on how the door swings (if it is push or pull to open) and requires some situational awareness.

If The Door Pulls To Open

When approaching a door that requires you to pull it open, grab the handle and pull the door back. As you do, step back with the door and stand to the side giving the other person a clear path to walk through the door.

Be sure to hold the door open for anyone else nearby that will be walking through the same door. Check the other side of the door before walking through yourself to avoid walking in to someone coming the other direction.

If The Door Pushes To Open

If the door has to be pushed to open, walk through the door first. As you do, grab the handle on the back side of the door and stand off to the side, allowing the other person to walk through. Alternatively, you can hold the door open as you walk through and keep your hand holding the door open until the person behind you reaches the door. This will keep foot traffic through the doors flowing smoothly.

If you are with a group of people, wait for everyone to walk through before closing the door. It is good etiquette to check if anyone is walking behind the group or coming from the other direction. Be polite and hold the door open for them, too.

Should You Use The Automatic Door Opener Button? 

Some doors come with an automatic door opening button (sometimes referred to as an ADA button). These are operated by either pushing the button itself or waving a body part in front of a built-in sensor. These buttons are specifically designed to aide people who have difficulties opening doors.

Using these buttons to open and hold doors for others is generally frowned upon as this increases the wear and tear on the button, motor, actuator, gearbox and other parts used to open the door. There are, however, exceptions to this rule.

You can use an ADA button to open a door if your hands are full or if you are moving a large object like a stroller or cart. It is also perfectly acceptable to use these buttons in areas with large crowds like arenas and malls. Keeping the door open allows large groups of people to walk through freely and avoid creating congestion.

What To Do When Someone Holds A Door Open For You 

If someone holds the door open for you, make eye contact with them and say "thank you". If you want to go a step further and make them feel appreciated, you could say something like "thank you for holding the door open for me. That is very thoughtful".

If there is another door ahead of you, return the favour and hold that door open for them. Do not wait for them to open it for you unless they insist or you are not able to open the door yourself.

Summary

Holding a door open for someone else is a very simple act of goodwill that reminds others that chivalry still exists in the modern world. It does not take much time or effort and it will be greatly appreciated. Small acts like this show respect and consideration for others and may even brighten someone's day.

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